Relationship is the foundation of human living. People co – exist because of relationship, which is harmonious living between two individuals within a specific space at a particular time. God did not start the human race with marriage. The first he created was a relationship; it first started with a single man (Adam) before the involvement of Eve. There are two (2) types of relationship and they are INTRA-PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP AND INTER-PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP.
Mostly people pay much attention to Inter-personal relationships than Intra-personal relationships and that turns out to affect our marital lives. If one fails with his/her Intra-personal relationship then it is likely that his/her marriage will also fail because it is always difficult to have an individual change in marriage than out of marriage. They sometimes get worse instead of getting better in marriage.
If you would remember our lessons on “SINGLENESS”, you would recall that the point I wanted to establish was that if you are unable to enjoy and invest in your single life then it becomes very difficult to manage your marriage life. WHY? This is because if you fail in your Intra-personal relationship, you will fail in your Inter-personal relationship and that is from SINGLENESS INTO MARRIAGE.
INTRA – PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP (RELATIONSHIP WITH SELF)
This is the relationship first established between one’s own self. This Is the stage of a person’s life were he/she makes discoveries, finds his purpose, builds his confidence and personal standards of life (self actualization).
Lots of relationships are struggling because people are paying much attention to the relationship they have with others than the relationship they first have to have with themselves. God started human relationships with one man Adam and when Adam became fully fulfilled, God brought in a helper who happens to be Eve.
This is the more reason why I tell people that marriage don't change people they either compromise or even get worse. Intra personal relationship is mostly influenced by our immediate family (nuclear family), our environment and other experiences of life. These are the very things that makes us who we are. If a person lucks self confidence, can't control his/her temper, messy, mismanages things, lazy and disorganized. It is likely all these behavioral traits will still be with him/her when they marry, it is just a few percentage that are able to change when they get married.If one have an abusive father or mother, he/she is likely to also become abusive when married. It is very great to still enjoy your singleness even when you are married and that's the real meaning of the two (2) shall be one. Marriage is two (2) individuals who have made a decision to be with each other for life. Those two (2) individuals have their differences and those differences becomes evident in the marriage but in all life is a learning process we learn and adjust all the time and that's one thing couples should know and learn to do.
INTER - PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP (RELATIONSHIP WITH OTHERS)
90% of relationships die/fail because of the word "EXPECTATION". We are always expectant when we meet people, we imagine them in a certain light or frame of living. This is usually based on their appearance and certain attitudes they have shown us which are mostly good. Inter personal relationships are the very relationships that produces marriage, and this relationship is an extension of Intra personal relationship.
Inter personal relationships becomes better when the individuals in that relationship appreciate their single lives. Don't forget it's individuals that makes a relationship so God had to start a whole human race with only one man Adam. During this relationship, you need to do the necessary findings and be sure of who you are settling with. This face of every human existence affords you the time to really know who the person is and weather he/she is suitable for you. We mostly end up with no information about our partners because during our Inter personal relationships, we waste our time on things that adds no value to the relationship and don't forget the marriage can be as bad as how your relationship was. That is why people mostly argue that its best to marry a best friend. The reason is that you know the person very well and have adapted methods to deal with his/her low moments.
One most important thing to do during this relationship is communicate, because a person's true attitude is mostly known through their utterances. If you carefully examine how a person speaks you can at a point tell his/her attitude. Today's relationships are social media based and so we text than we verbally communicate and that's affecting lots of marriages. If we are not used to spending quality time together verbally communicating, then it will become a problem in the marriage because its obvious we are used to texting than talking one-on-one. There are couples who for years have never had the experience of talking to each other one-on-on because it was never a part of their relationship.
"MANAGE, CONTROL AND INVEST MORE INTO BUILDING YOUR RELATIONSHIP AND YOU WILL ENJOY YOUR MARRIAGE".
WHAT EVERY WOMAN NEEDS IN A MAN (THE IDEAL MAN) - GENESIS 2:15
Marriage is an institution established by God. Marriage is not an institution by the government nor any person so if you want to make marriage work then marriage should be guarded by kingdom principles. I want to take you through the very process God took the man before the woman was created for him.
GENESIS 1:26-30/ GENESIS 2:15
Genesis 2:15-17(NIV)
15 The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. 16 And the Lord God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden;
Genesis 2:15 (NASV)
Then the LORD God took the man and put him into the garden of Eden to cultivate it and keep it. NASVThe first thing God gave Adam was Eden not a Woman; Eden means a delightful spot, a delightful presence or the presence of God. Adam first call of relationship was his relationship he had with his maker (God). If a man fails in his relationship with God it is certain that he will also fail in his relationship with people. Intra personal relationships first starts with our relationship with our maker. This brings an inner peace which automatically translates into our relationship with others. So God have to first put Man in his presence and then establish a relationship with him. Every man ready for marriage needs to first have a relationship with God. The greatest goal of every man should be to have a good relationship with God and that will always keep you in God's presence.
The next thing was a command to work. The Hebrew word for work is ER EGO which means "to operate, to function, to become". In other words God was instructing Adam to function or to operate in other to walk in the purpose of his existence. You can only function properly and see your visions come through when you are working. In Genesis 1:26, God's plan was to create a man that will dominate the earth and preserve it. So when you have work you can now become who you want become by walking in the purpose of your calling.
The third command was to cultivate; To cultivate mean to maximize, to improve,to grow, to promote the growth of something, to encourage etc. This means that God gave the male man the ability to maximize, improve or ensure the growth of anything. This brings us to the point where you use your ability to ensure the development of people around you. It's like cultivating a land, you first have to clear the land and make way for planting of seeds and there after add fertilizer to ensure the proper growth of your crops. A real man do not oppress a woman's gift but rather becomes the life support for the gift making sure it matures and becomes beneficial. A real man do not see a woman's gift or abilities as a competition but as a blessing.
The forth command God gave man was to keep the Garden; In other words God was telling Adam to protect the Garden. That is why naturally God created men with enormous amount of strength because they are protectors. I observed this from our African setting when a man and a woman are sleeping. The man is asked to sleep or be infront whiles the woman sleeps behind him. This means in case there is danger the man will be first to react to it. Men protect they don't abuse so any man that uses his strength to abuse a woman is walking out of the purpose of his existence. Your energy should be channeled through protecting and providing for your family.
The last thing that God gave Adam was his word. The ideal man should know the word of God and be able to establish his family in the word of God. God gave Adam a command, which was his word. It was necessary for God in other to keep his relationship with Adam.
After all these God said it is not good for the man to be alone and therefore I will make a helper suitable for him. Mostly how we build ourselves determines which suitors come our way.
When a woman starts a relationship the things to observe are the above stated points and that will give you a clearer picture of the type of man you are settling for. The first question to ask is not DO YOU REALLY LOVE ME? The best question to ask are the following:
1. Thus he have a good relationship with God
2. Is he working and thus he have a vision
3. Can he bring out the best in me/Can he help me discover my purpose in life?
4. Can he protect me?
5. Thus he know the word of God?
NOTE: When a male man is ready for marriage he should be able to pass the five (5) pointers above.
REMEMBER:
- LOVE DON'T KEEP MARRIAGE BUT KNOWLEDGE THUS
- SEX IS NOT ENOUGH TO SUSTAIN MARRIAGE
- MARRIAGE IS NOT AGE BUT MATURITY
- MARRIAGE CAN BE A BLESSING BUT CAN ALSO BE FRUSTRATING
- MARRIAGE IS THE FOUNDATION OF SOCIETIES
- IF MARRIAGES FAIL, SOCIETIES SUFFER
Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefilled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge. Hebrew 13:4
Next topic is "THE POWER OF A WOMAN"
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